Jack Bauer Is The New Chuck Norris

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It seems that Church Norris has finally met his match. And it’s about time! I was wondering who would be the next over-the-top hero to take him off his throne. Many thought it would be John Rambo… but Jack Bauer has stepped up to the plate and knocked Chuck out of the park.

Below are my favorite top eight new ‘truths’ about Jack. The rest can be found at the link below. Warning: Thought he ones I pulled out are clean, not all of them are. Viewer discretion is advised.

8. Most people would need months to recover from 20 months of Chinese interrogation. Jack Bauer needs a shower, a shave and a change of clothes.

7. When someone asked Jack Bauer if he was afraid of James Bond, he replied “What does ‘afraid’ mean?”

6. There are three leading causes of death among terrorists. The first two are Jack Bauer, and the third one is heart attack from hearing Jack Bauer is coming for them.

5. If Jack Bauer was in a room with Hitler, Stalin, and Nina Meyers, and he had a gun with 2 bullets, he’d shoot Nina twice.

4. If Jack Bauer was president, he would protect the secret service.

3. There have been no terrorist attacks in United States since Jack Bauer has appeared on television.

2. Jack Bauer sleeps with a pillow under his gun.

1. Jack doesn’t believe in Murphy’s Law, only Bauer’s Law: “Whatever CAN go wrong, WILL be resolved in a period of 24 hours.”

Jack Bauer Truths